1.5 sleeps

I can't believe it is only 1.5 sleeps till I leave for Las Vegas and Colorado. 
I say 1.5 as Simon and I are staying in Wellington tonight, and then he has to get me to the airport at 4:40am on Wed morning, so that is the 1/2 sleep as I will be up at around 3:30am. 

Si will then go back to bed and then drive back home later in the day on Wednesday.
I finally get to Las Vegas at around 8:30am on Thursday (NZ time) so it is going to be a very long day. 

I will try and update with some photos etc, but possibly more on FB as I can post from my phone. Will have a mountain of info to update etc when I get home. If you want to add me to FB it is just my name. 

Anyway, all good, take care and see you at the end of May. 

J

Ideas to move downward

Tackling things one step at a time certainly makes it easier to focus. I know what food I need NOT to be eating and that is a huge step forward. I mean I have known that all along, but when I tell myself or more so when someone else in my life tells me I shouldn’t or can’t have something I WANT then I act like a two year old having a tanty and usually the two year old wins…….gets what she wants and then the adult me beats  herself up for allowing it to happen and it becomes a vicious circle.

I had an amazing Facebook chat this morning with Kate Berridge and she reminded me of a few things that can impact on me making bad decisions. The biggest one was being de-hydrated; as she said when we are de-hydrated we will often snack as we are actually thirsty rather than hungry. Also when the body is not hydrated then all of the body is running slow and sluggish, including the brain, which means we naturally don’t make the best decisions on the fly.

Another thing she reminded me about being so important is supplements, and although I am okay with these, I could be a heap better, and as both my iron and my calcium have come back slightly deficient I need to also make this a priority.

We also discussed exercise and she recommended reading John Kirwans book about how exercise affects more than just your body and why it is important to get out and do something 4-5 times per week. She said that since I have some issues with walking, I cramp up and get really sore feet, to try and get some variety. This is also important for me as I get really bored really quickly. So at the moment, I am thinking of going to Aqua Zumba or Aqua Aerobics say twice a week and then Line Dancing once a week as one of the girls at work’s Mother is in the process of setting up classes!!! I have also been toying with the idea of getting another pushbike as I used to enjoy it (before I got sick) and would have continued if I didn’t sell it when we moved in with Si’s parents.

So there you have it, I have been working hard on the first thing….water. and last night I much have gotten up around 7 times to pee….not good for the sleep but fabulous on the scales……..will not be publishing what the loss is till next week though (well if I can bear not to).

I have also decided to have a series of safe menus for each meal that I can mix and match so I don’t get bored as well. So here they are

Breakfast

Bacon and Eggs

Omelet

Protein Shake

Lunch

Bacon & Eggs

Omelet

Tuna on two Corn thins

Soup

Protein Shake

LSA Wrap with ham/chicken and salad

Dinner

Some sort of meat, poultry, fish

Seasonal non starchy veges.

Snacks

Sugar free jelly or mouse (WW)

LSA crackers with cheese (occasionally)

Hummus and carrot sticks.

So there you have it, what my plan is…..still one meal at a time, and always just picking myself UP when I fall.

One pound at a time......

One of the wonderful ladies I will be meeting in Las Vegas is missjaniehere and she has always been an amazing inspiration to me. She told me this morning, just to battle my regain "one pound at a time" and I know this is just what I need to do. I think I actually need to do this one meal at a time. 

I am considering doing the 5day pouch test to "reset" my pouch and to get myself back to feeling how my pouch works and it helps to break the carb addition as well. 

Exercise, well thinking of aqua aerobics at this stage as the water is at least going to support me and not cause me to get really sore cramping feet. 

I was meant to have lost some weight before going to Las Vegas, but it seems I have put on. This morning sitting at 123.5 kgs (271.7 lbs) and it is affecting everything I do. I am down all of the time, and can't seem to see the positive in many things

I posted in my you tube video last night, that I feel like a failure................but also that I am the only one who can choose what to do next. 

So for the meantime it is one meal at a time......and one pound(kg) at a time. 

Work to be done

Okay so with 7 weeks on Wednesday till I leave for Las Vegas and Colorado, I know that I need to be fitter. I would also love to be lighter, but I am going to concentrate on the getting fitter so I can handle the walking around Vegas and the traveling.

So, the plan is to get back to my low carb eating and to get out for a 45-60 min walk EVERY day to increase my fitness level. 

I also caught an episode of Dr OZ last week talking about having buddies when it comes to Weight Loss and fitness etc. I know that I have the blog, but I am also going to be working with my Surgery Sister Anne to make sure it all works well. 

I'll update you tonight on the Buddy Rules, but so far today is going well, and Annie and I have been straight up with each other and offered the support to each other. 

Today - so far so good. Lets get this back down from 122.1 kgs and to start getting fitter. 

Back soon....

Okay so home now, and have been out for a 44 min walk. I am pretty slow when it comes to walking and I take the Dog, so have to stop occasionally. But I was really pleased I did another 1.3 kms on the old circuit, so that was 3.04 kms. 

 The plan will be to do this walk everyday to build up my fitness and to build on how far and for how long I go. 


One of things I am really looking forward to in Las Vegas is the first night at the Meet & Greet as that is a country hoedown.......so line dancing etc.....now I used to go line dancing every night when I lived in Christchurch (when I was 19/20) and it is also one of the things Annie and I did pre op to try and get into shape.


Speaking of Annie, I have been giving her updates all day as to how I am going and what I was feeling. Seems to be working as we seem to listen to each other, more so than to ourselves. Now, the following is the Buddy Up Plan from Dr Oz. I am not sure about all of these, but I think some of them would be great. 


The Buddy Questions:
Go over the  following with your fitness buddy:
1) How much weight do you want to lose?
2) What's the main reason that you gained your weight?
3) what's your biggest vice?

The 5 Buddy Agreements
1) Daily Contact - Highs & Lows
It's important to share with your buddy one thing that went really well that day, such as passing up a tempting donut. If you hit a low point, you will need to share that as well - perhaps you broke down and ate a handful of candy. This will help you validate strengths and recognize weaknesses. Based on your schedules, find the best way to stay in contact:phone, email, text, etc

2) Exchange your daily meal plan (and stick with it)
Knowing in advance what you're going to eat will eliminate guesswork throughout the day and keep you from making poor choices. This is also a great way to keep each other in check and know that you're staying in control.


3) Text of email your hunger score before you eat anything
A hunger score based on a scale of 1-10 helps you assess how hungry you really are (1 = not really hungry and 10 = ravenous). You'll learn to distinguish the difference between actual physiological hunger, which causes you to become weak, tired or shaky, as opposed to appetite, which is driven by external cues such as, "It's noon, time for lunch!"


4) Exchange two photos of your future plans
This will help you establish long and short-term goals. The first photo should represent something that is attainable in a couple of weeks, like a dress that is one size smaller. The second should represent a long-term goal, like a swimsuit you want to wear when you reach your desired weight. 

5) As you Lose Wight, Get rid of your Old clothes.
By getting rid of these clothes, you will forge a  new identity for yourself and make the statement: "i'm never going to be there again!" 


So there you have them, as I said, not sure that we will do all of them, but certainly is some guidelines to help support each other. 



Dinner tonight is Roast pork with baked pumpkin and steamed veges!!!!

An Amazing Opportunity.

I am immensely proud and amazingly flattered that I have been given an unbelievable opportunity to attend the Weight Loss Surgery Foundation of America's Meet & Greet  in Las Vegas and Katie Jay's Spring Retreat in Colorado thanks to the support of two fabulous companies. Eatme and Bariatric Advantage have helped me achieve a dream and a huge goal, and I am thankful for the opportunity to learn as much as I can about the WLS journey and to be able to share the knowledge of new resources and products with our own local community. 

This has been in the pipeline for the last few weeks and is part of the reason why I have been so distant and also why I have been emotionally not in the right space. Part of this trip will help me with those aspects to this journey as I will be attending Katie's Spring Retreat in Colorado.

Katie is also working on getting back to New Zealand to hold a retreat in Taupo in November, and she will be publishing more information about this soon. If you are interested in coming along then email her at katiejay@nawls.com 

The other big news is that Bariatric Advantage have now launched in New Zealand and you can get to it by clicking on the links. All of the products they have available in New Zealand are listed or in the process of being listed and all prices are in New Zealand dollars. I can't wait to try all of them. I know they are going to help me with taking my supplements and also having good high quality protein meal replacements.

About the time I am in the USA Eatme are launching their new improved protein shakes called Lean Shake. This was a direct result of the feedback Neil got from the attendees of the last two Weight Loss Surgery Conferences we have had in Palmerston North. He said they will be thicker, have a more natural flavour, have no artificial colours and will come in all of the regular flavours. Banana, Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry. The exciting news it will also include a Tim Latte flavour for all of the coffee lovers out there. Neil tells me it is about 6-8 weeks away before they will hit the website for purchase.

Will update more about the trip as I get details, although at this stage it looks as though I will be heading off on May 16th and coming home around May 29th. Soooooooooooooo looking forward to it, and realise just how very very lucky I am.

What to say

As I sit here contemplating what to say I realise most of you who know of follow me will know I am well off track, not just off track but on the completely wrong road. I have had about as many carbs as you could possibly have over the last week and I feel it......I feel it down to my very pores. My blood tests are again up (you can check those out on my blood test's page) and my weight is back over 120 (264 lbs) in fact it is as 121.5 kgs. First day of TOM, so hopefully that will help bring things back down quickly. 

I did not go to work today, I was getting horrible nasty cramps (no doubt to do with TOM) and feeling nauseous (no doubt to do with TOM and the amount of carbs I have enhaled)

I have spent today thinking about a lot of things and listening to my inner voice. This came about after watching the following you tube clips. The first was shared amongst some of the WLS community today and the second is another one from the same 'sister'. They about treating yourself well, and how you speak to yourself everyday.  And how we need to practise this daily - even starting by saying (even if you don't believe it) to yourself in the mirror every morning and eventually we will start to believe it. 







 So after watching these, what did I hear myself saying....what was the thoughts I was thinking about myself. I can tell you that I would not say these things to anyone I cared about, nor to most people I didn't care about.  I can tell you that the things I tell myself are all negative, and that I 'deserve' what I put into my success (which is zip).


I tell myself I am fat, lazy, useless a quitter and that I can't achieve the things I want to achieve.I am ugly and messy and filthy and a failure at everything I do.  I tell myself that no one really likes me (hence why I don't have many real life friends). I tell myself I am boring and stuck in a rut and scared and lonely. And because I tell myself these things I am making them true. 


Some may think I am having a pity party, but I am seeing this more as an opportunity to look inside a window. I know that on the inside looking out it is hard to see a way forward, but that is only because the window is too grimy. Maybe it is time to try cleaning the window and learning how to focus on the positives. Even if I don't believe them at the moment, if I keep doing it, then I hopefully will start to let the words sink in. 

The other thing that has sunk in over the last couple of days is a blog from one of the Bariatric TV presenters. She talks about how WLS isn't for wussies and that it is not the 'easy way out' and that it requires dedication and work. She talks about how it important it is to SPEW (huh?). What she is talking about is Supplements, Protein, Exercise and Water. You can read Lynnda's Blog Entry here.

Out of all of those I have really only concentrated on protein (and only a 1/2 assed attempt). So now I need to get off my backside and commit to this journey. Every minute.......and make it count. 


As Katie Jay would say - I need to get back up again. 


How am I going to do this? Well I have to stop the negative 'mind talk' and listen to the truth. I am an almost 40 year old women, who has a loving husband and family around her, who does have friends ( I just don't see them all the time). I am strong and I CAN do whatever I put my mind to. 


One of the things I treasure from my Mum (who died in 2005) is a card that she once gave me when I was about 19 and had just failed at broadcasting school. I actually quit because it got too hard and I was on the brink of failing with my marks. Anyway I was at the time devastated and I have no idea what to do next. Mum sent me this card, and I have kept it all these years and it hangs on the wall in my computer room. Pity I don't seem to be able to hear the words or actually have good opinions of myself to instill.


There may be days when you get up in the morning and things aren't the way you had hoped they would be.
That's when you have to tell yourself that things will get better.
There are times when people disappoint you and let you down,
but those are the times when you must remind yourself to trust
your own judgements and opinions,
to keep your life focused on believing in yourself
and all that you are capable of.

There will be challenges to face and changes to make in your life,
and it is up to you to accept them.
Constantly keep yourself headed in the right direction for you.
It may not be easy at times, but in those times of struggle
you will find a stronger sense of who you are,
and you will also see yourself developing into the person
you have always wanted to be.

Life is a journey through time, filled with many choices;
each of us will experience life in our own special way.
So when the days come that are filled with frustration and
unexpected responsibilities, remember to believe in yourself
and all you want your life to be,
because the challenges and changes will only help you to find the dreams
that you know are meant to come true for you.

Deanna Beisser.

So back once again to how I am going to get myself sorted. 

1st thing is too clean my house, so I don't feel like I am constantly battling mountains of washing etc........maybe then I will actually enjoying being at home. 

Then I am going to sit down and make a realistic plan about how I need to live, and that does include ditching the carbs as they really are poison for me. I need to sort my Supplements out and that is most likely where Bariatric Advantage is going to come into play, as they are due to start being on the market in New Zealand in the next couple of weeks. They can also help with the protein as I am dying to try the new Protein crisps and the meal replacement bars. I also know that I need to order some more Eatme protein shakes as I have just about run out. I think I prefer the Whey to the isolate, they seem to make thicker shakes and seem slightly less sweet.

I also have to get those walks in every day with the dog....regardless of if it is raining. I don't melt in the rain and nor does the dog. I will also try and go to the Aqua Zumba class once to see if I like it. Will see. 

Water does not feature in my live at the moment, I have gone back to Coke Zero's. so I have now filled a 2 litre water in the fridge and if I need to have that instead. So that is the SPEW taken care of. Now to get back to low carbing, as both Simon and I were enjoying it. But I resented not being able to have things I liked...................and like Lynda said in her blog recently is that you have to want to change those habits......and I have not been ready, even after WLS. I still want my cake and eat it too and I have to figure out how to change that attitude.

What a difference 1tbl spoon makes

Okay, so I have been working with Healtheries to help promote the wrap and have been speaking with the nutritionist alot as she was concerned that it was still quite high in calories, so we have kinda tweaked it again. I'll show you the Nutritional Information below - quite amazing. 

Okay so first the traditional recipe. 

• 1 egg 
• 2½ tablespoons Healtheries Ground LSA    
• 1 tablespoon of water  
• 1 tablespoon of oil
• ½ teaspoon baking powder 
• Cracked black pepper to taste  
• Spray oil for greasing

LSA wrap
NUTRITION INFORMATION
Servings per package:   1
Serving size:   91g
	Average Quantity per Serving	Average Quantity per 100g
Energy	1450kJ (345Cal)	1590kJ (380Cal)
Protein	10.9g	12.0g
Fat, Total	32.2g	35.4g
- Saturated	3.8g	4.1g
Carbohydrate	2.3g	2.5g
- Sugars	less than 1g	less than 1g
Dietary Fibre	3.7g	4.1g
Sodium	367mg	404mg

You can see that the fat content is quite high and without any filling it is 1450kjs, I asked the nutritionist to run the info with just using water instead of oil (as I made one on the weekend and it was just as good without the oil). I also usually do less than the 1/2 teaspoon of baking powder.

• 1 egg 
• 2½ tablespoons Healtheries Ground LSA    
• 2 tablespoons of water 
• ½ teaspoon baking powder 
• Cracked black pepper to taste  
• Spray oil for greasing

Lsa wrap –(with spray in dish)
NUTRITION INFORMATION
Servings per package:   1
Serving size:   73g
	Average Quantity per Serving	Average Quantity per 100g
Energy	799kJ (191Cal)	1090kJ (260Cal)
Protein	10.9g	14.8g
Fat, Total	14.7g	20.1g
- Saturated	2.5g	3.4g
Carbohydrate	2.3g	3.1g
- Sugars	less than 1g	less than 1g
Dietary Fibre	3.7g	5.1g
Sodium	367mg	500mg

 As you can see the difference is huge!!!!!!!! A reduction of 651 kjs just for the oil!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am off to have a skin test today for allergies. I have spent most of the weekend rewashing clothes as took Jenny's advise and have changed washing powders etc as it appears that we may not have changed brands, it looks as though the brand may have changed ingredients. I am still itchy and generally feeling very blah at the moment. Weight is back up to 120.1 kgs as at  the moment, without any real change to my diet. I will just keep going and going though, I am not giving up, just trying to balance the whole lot. 

Lynda: Thanks for the comment, and I agree that is why the oil would have been included in the recipe in the first place, but even without the oil, the natural fat in the LSA and egg gives enough fat for me as well as the ingredients I add, such as ham , chicken, cheese etc. 
As the guy in Fathead said.....if you ate too many calories of anything then you will get fat......so I am just trying to make sure I am not eating over my calories per day whilst remaining low carb.( a little like he did in the movie) The focus for me is definitely not on cutting back on fats....just making sure I still remain under a sensible level of calories/kj's.  

Itchy, Scratchy and me.

I have been strictly Gluten free again pretty much sine Jan 1st,maybe 2nd, and this last two weeks (it has been building for a while) I have been the itchiest I have ever been. I have so many patches where I have scratched myself raw in my sleep, even with the anti-histamines and the sleeping pills. I have an itchy scalp, underarms, buttocks, thighs, knees, elbows, braline......everywhere!!!!!!!!!!

I have a referral to go back to the skin specialist,but I am only semi urgent so not sure when that will be. My fear is that I am allergic to something else........like almonds, eggs or dairy. I am not going to eliminate any of these from my diet yet, but I do know they are some common triggers to the type of itchiness I am getting. It just means that if I am, it is going to make this whole journey another step harder. Not going to give up on it by any means, but it would make it harder. 

Weight wise things are still not moving, sitting at 118.8 kgs again today, just seem to bounce around the same kilo. At least I have gone back into the 120's.

Will see today what by Blood tests are doing - i have them weekly and I am posting my results here.  Some of the blood tests I only have monthly, the others weekly. If they are RED they are abnormal, and you can see the range next to the name. These are not the only bloods I have, but they are the important ones for my liver.

Valentines

Simon and I don't usually do anything for Valentines Day at all, it is so close to our wedding anniversary and we have never really done it. But On Sunday Si told me the reason he sold his mini helicopter (the one he got for Christmas) was that he wanted us to go our for a Valentines movie.....so we did on Sunday night, as tonight just would have been a pain......so, on Sunday we went to 'Sherlock Holmes' - It was great, but then I am a huge fan of Robert Downey Jnr. The only downside to going to the movies is the candy bar.....we both enjoy popcorn - actually Si loves it. So we decided to get some, but after the movie we both felt blah............... and heavy and bloated and just yuck. So I guess that is our body responding to the toxin. 

Weightwise things have been a little over the place since I really started being low carb on Jan 28th. I was 121.9 kgs on that day and this morning I am 117.8 kgs, so that has come down, but over that two weeks it has bounced around a little. I am recording my weight daily and you can find it on the 2012 Weigh ins Tab (above). Si is also dropping and seems to be enjoying low carb (most of the time). 


The thing I am getting the biggest kick out of is I don't seem to need to plan my evening meals as much. It is just take the meat out.......and decide on the veges at the time. We are having a huge variety of veges and I am even learning to like some I used to hate.....like zucchini.

I also made a new recipe for the LSA Crackers last night. These ones are Garlic and Rosemary LSA Crackers, and they are perfect (if not a little salty). Even Simon likes them. The recipe makes about 60 crackers.......so very very economical. 

Anyway, off to work again.......another day.....another dollar as they say. 

I've gone crackers.

I have slipped in the last few days or so.....just not digging my cheese without a cracker, so decided that a few rice crackers would just have to do since the cheesy lsa crackers just didn't work for me. 

Actually I think Si actually did better than me last week as I know I had a couple of very weak moments at work and got some hot chips and a peanut slab. It was Friday and I hadn't organised our lunch and I was on the run. No excuses really, it was just a really bad choice. 

We are getting better though, and we have started going for walks from home at least 3 times per week. I have mapped out a few walks on MapmyRun, and our first is actually only 1.74 kms and with the dog it took 25 mins. So the plan is to keep doing that till we get faster and then move on to the bigger block. I would like to think that within a couple of months I will regularly do 5km walks and then bigger ones maybe in the weekends.

This weekend has been pretty busy, on Friday night  we just did our usual grocery shopping etc, and Si got a couple of DVD's out. On Saturday, we did a walk around the Gypsy fair.......man it certainly is not what I remember. There was not much there and the prices were really really high. Then we hit the shops for a couple of gifts and that evening we went out to dinner for my Step mothers Birthday and my dad and her's 3rd Wedding Anniversary, which is today.


Yesterday, we got up and did all of the housework as somehow the night before we managed to invite 6 people over for dinner........luckily money wise we were doing a shared Chinese dinner, as I would not have been able to rustle something up at all.
 
I also had my WLS monthly meeting yesterday which was fantastic. I really enjoyed just hanging out and relaxing with other people who are on this journey. I was telling some people about the LSA wrap and I think I have a few more people converted.  Oh, that reminds me, I have created a tab at the top of the page for GF and low carb recipes. These are just the ones I have tried and loved. In most cases I have adapted them from others, so I am not claiming these to be mine, just recipes I now love and use all the time. If you click on the link it will take you to the recipe in a new page. 

Today, we had nothing planned, so we decided to watch "Fathead - movie"  , I loved it and Si seemed to enjoy it, but he still thinks that I need to be slightly different from him with the Gluten Intolerance and the WLS. So, at the moment we are trying to find something that works for both of us. The movie certainly explained things to me in a way I understand especially about how our bodies react to carbohydrates and how they decrease the HDL (good cholesterol)


So after that and feeling more inspired to actually try and even eliminate those pesky crackers I stumbled across another cracker recipe made with almond meal (ground almonds). But as I don't have any of those on hand I decided to adapt.  


So here is my recipe for 


LSA Crackers. 


Ingredients:
1 cup of LSA
1 egg white
1 pinch of salt

(that's it)

 Preheat the oven to 160 c (regular bake)


In a bowl, mix together the LSA, egg white and salt until it forms a dough. ( I started with a fork and then used my hand)


Place in the middle of  a long piece of baking paper with another peice of baking paper on top. Using a rolling pin, roll out the dough as thin as you can get it. Try to make it take up the whole baking tray - ie: super thin. 

 

Peel of the top layer of the paper and score the dough with a knife to whatever size crackers you want. Bake for 10-12 mins. Check on crackers, if you need to remove the outer crackers to cool on a rack and put the remaining back in to finish cooking. Keep checking every couple of minutes removing cooked crackers until finally they are all baked to perfection. 

 Cool completely and store in an airtight container. 

You could make variations of these crackers by adding in different seasonings to the dough base ( such as cracked pepper, sea salt, garlic salt, rosemary etc)


I love them, and they are just what I was looking for!!!!!!!! YAY. I like mine with cheese!!!!!!!

Oh - also, on the weight front, I was 119.3 kgs this week, which is a little heavier than last week but still better than where I was at. So happy about that as well.