Rough Patch

Going through a bit of a rough patch and a very busy time at the moment. There is just so much going on and it is kind of doing my head in.

As I mentioned the wedding was fantastic, but certainly was not the end of my duties and responsibilities. As the happy couple were off swanning around the North Island (good on them), I was looking after my dad’s business emails and mail, and feeding the cat and watering the plants. Thankfully I didn’t kill the plants, although it did come close as I forgot about them for the first few days and thought they wouldn’t bounce back.

During this time Si’s parents made the move south from Auckland to Feilding, and things did not go smoothly at all. The moving company has given them a big run around which included losing a whole container of stuff, and then when it was delivered several items are missing and another 10 or so severely damaged. It has been very stressful on both of them, and Si’s dad had to go back to Auckland for another 2 weeks of work. He should be here this weekend hopefully and then the unpacking can begin in ernest.

We had a meeting with the ACC doctor for a check up as to where he is at and whether in their opinion he can go back to fulltime work. Well, the upshot of all of that is the ACC doctor cannot see any reason medically why Si cannot go back to fulltime work, he realizes that it will be very hard to adjust going back mentally, emotionally as well as just plan exhausting. So we are really happy about that, although it does mean that he now has got 4 weeks to find fulltime work……..and then his money stops…….so very very stressful.

On the work note. Si is currently working for us part time, which might lead to fulltime depending on the outcome of our tender to the Animal Health Board for the next 4 years. It is kinda of dependant if we actually grow or stay the same….if we get the same, then he will stay the same – ie part time, and we can’t afford to do that…..well we will until he finds something fulltime. But hopefully we will have grown in areas which mean that he will switch to fulltime and we will be working together. The problem here is that the tender result was expected mid to late February. Perfect timing you could say…….trouble is that we have heard that we can expect the result in at least 2- 3 weeks time, and that may even be longer…….so now we are at a dilemma, do we stick with the guaranteed part time and pretty good money, or try for fulltime work……..which will mean that if we get the tender we will have to find /train more staff..

We were also looking at the possibility of kids, but at the moment it just seems like that would be in the too hard basket – financially and emotionally. So I never thought I would hear myself say this, but hopefully I am not pregnant.

On the weightloss side of things, I have been losing slowly over the past few weeks and am now sitting at 102.3 kgs – which is a total loss of 74.7 kgs since I started this journey back in the last week of September 2007. I get a bit frustrated that the weightloss has slowed down to much and that when I look at the pics etc I still feel as wide as a house, especially on my bottom half. Now I also realize that I could have done more to help with the toning and weight loss, and that I have relied on the tool doing the majority of the work. Looking back this was not the smartest idea, but hell, can’t turn back time now, and have to just suck it up and move forward.

So sorry about the pity woe is me type of post, just trying to muddle through what feels very overwhelming at the moment.

Wedding

The wedding was fantastic, had a brilliant day/night. Went to bed around midnight and have been up since 5:30 am as I could not sleep. Hvae blisters galore and couldn't be happier.

WIll have some pics to share later, will be heading back to the venue to soon to do the cleanup and then spending time with the family.

Si's parents made an offer on a house here in Feilding, and it was accepted at 1pm yesterday afternoon, so we have all had a very very nice Waitangi Day 2009.

Back toupdate some pics......we have had a busy day. I have been up since 5:30 am this morning as I had a headache (not a hangover) and I could not sleep. Went back to the venue and got the presents, the cake and the photo's that were displayed back. Went to the couples house and dropped them all off. They were both looking a little worse for wear.

Had all of the family, brothers, nephews etc come and we all had lunch at Dad and Val's house. We went through a few of the photos and I found a couple of okay shots of me. I would really like th ehips to be a whole heap smaller, but ya can't help ya frame. So as you may have noticed I have changed the profile pic and then also added some of the Happy Couple (with their permission) Me and Si,Me and Dad and also one of Si's parents (with their permission)

Been tagged - Honesty Scrap Award

Well, being tagged by Gastric Girl has brought me out of hiding....and I guess that is kinda what it is. I think that I am afraid to be too honest on here, as I wonder what people will think. I have always thought that I actually had my head around that, and I didn't really care what people though. But just goes to show you that I do.

Have had a really busy week with the lead up to the wedding. It is now in 1 more sleep, and I will be releived when it is over. I have now completed 90% of what needs to be done, but I still need to go and buy a lace horseshow for my neice to present, and as the foiled chocolate hearts have not arrived I have had to source and alternative supply....and another $60. I will confirm that if I have not received the chocolates in this mornings post. (They were apparently sent by overnight courier on Monday)

Si's parents are here again for both the wedding and looking at houses, so I took both Wednesday and today off to help them and finish up the wedding stuff.

I need to claryify what I meant about not posting and hating this blog. It is not that I hate it, I just really don't like the pressure (I put on myself) to come up with something witty or interesting. I guess it is another self esteem thing that I thought I had a handle on. I will be posting, but in my time, when I feel like I need to or want to share something. This will not be everyday - (I don't know how you guys do it)

Which brings me to the initial reason for this post. Gastric-girl tagged me and I felt complelled to do this, the rules are simple - list 10 honest things about yourself - and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep! Then tag 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap Award


Here goes

1. Well I think I touched on this in the above, but My self esteem is not as good as I thought, and I put pressure on myself.

2. I find it very hard to make friends and I overcompensate by being the talkative one when at group outings like our WLS support groups. (I have always been a talker - hence why going to broadcasting school - although I suck at public speaking)

3. I really want to start a family with my husband, but I am also really scared that I will stuff things up somehow and be the world's worst Mum. (Self esteem again).

4. I can't stand bad customer service and I will tell people off in public - ie - yesterday we were at a cafe ordering when this women pushed in front of the whole queue and tried to be served first. I juststood there in and extremely loud voice and said " Excuse me, he is serving us, and there are other people waiting" .......she slinked off to the back of the queue. I think this sometimes embarasses the people I am with, but I really can't stand rude people or bad customer service.

5. I am not coping with some aspects of my Dad's new marriage (well tomorrow) and that mainly comes down to me still grieving for my Mum. I also think that his new bride is a little nervous and hopefully she will settle down once they have got back form honeymoon.

6. I am in debt by about $100K to my Dad, and it is unlikely that I will ever own a house. (most of this came about by my op, a very bad car purchase (it was a lemon) and debt reconsolidation from both Si and myself.)

7. Although I am secure about my adoption when I was a baby, I still struggle a little with the fact I don't have a relationship with my half brothers and sister, for a variety of reason's.

8. I have always had an extremely weak bladder (since I was a kid)

9. I am feeling a little, okay a lot Jealous of those who are coming through the journey after me. Once again my own insecurities are playing a part here and I know that I had a whole heap more to lose than them and that I am a different height, body shape, history etc.......BUT I still get jealous pangs when I see them doing so well and being so excited.

10. I constantly break the rules of my pouch and I am not doing enough exercise wise to push me there. I am so wanting to get to as close to goal as possible, which for me is between 85 -90 kgs if you account for the excess skin I will have, which is only 14 kgs away, but can I do it?

So there you have it, some extremely honest things about me.....so now I would like to here 10 extremely honest things about

Chris H
Karen
Margaret
Jaxx
Anne
Michelle
Lynda

Will also post some pics after the wedding, most likely on Sunday once the family have gone. Hopefully I will get a ncie one of Simon and I together.

Realisations

Do you know something? I hate this blog!!! I hate how I feel having to come up with something to update. I am not naturally gifed in written material and I always find it a struggle.

Don't get me wrong, I love reading other peoples, You guys write so well, but I also find it hard to comment, as the comments come out all wrong, and so often people have got the wrong end of the stick, but if I had spoken to them and shared the same sentiment, they would have understood my tone and where I was coming from.

It has been something that I have been thinking about the last couple of days after someone commented on how much they hate the phone......I am on the otherhand love it. And I love getting together with people and chatting. I went to my WLS meeting in Palmerston North today, and it was great. I just love the conversation buzzing around, sharing ideas seeing the laughter in peoples eyes and hearing it in their voice. I can't do that here, I can't express myself the way I need to.

I think that the internet is a great tool, and without it I would be a bit lost, But I also miss that I no longer catch up with friends for a coffee, or have 30 min phone conversations with girlfriends.....actually since my friend Kathy died about 5 years ago I can quite honestly say I have not had a girlfriend that I have been able to confide in about most things...and how do I meet one....?? It is damn hard with modern technology living in a small rural town. Everyone just emails or txt's these days and I hate it. I hate text message, I find them rude and unpersonal, but at Christmas I still sent out a bulk message to those on my phonebook. I used to have a address book, now I just have a cellphone.

So pretty much the blog has come to and end, I might occasionaly post the odd pic or two, but that is it. I am not going to update for the sake of updating, struggling for something that I think other people might want to read.

Thanks for your support throughout this journey, if you want to keep in touch, then feel free to drop me and email (I am useless at replying) or better yet, ring me. Happy to leave my cell phone for those who want to call - I can give you a home number after you have told me who you are. New Zealand Telecom phone - 027 334 6748.

Stuff going on

Well not sure really how to write this post.....have got some family stuff happening, and I am really not sure who is reading this blog anymore, so I am really thinking about going private. Okay I haven't gone private, but I have got a private page where I have added some thoughts - If you want to read those you need to email me at janine.hallewell@gmail.com) Once you have been invited you can read them here

That is probably the biggest reason for why I have not posted in such a long time.
The exercise has been going well, and I had my gym assesment on Monday, Today I have my weights program. Took yesterday off as I was not feeling well at all. Just TOM I think and cramping. Scales for some reason have jumped right back up which gets me down a little, but I realise that I am actually working on that.

Still feeling very tender in the tum today - so will just see how it goes.

As far as the family stuff goes........I am not sure if I am making a big deal about nothing, or do I have a right to feel the way I feel. Will have to contemplate weather I actually right what I am feeling.....If I do, I might just make it a private entry of this one. So if you want to be able to read it, let me know by emailling me at janine.hallewell@gmail.com and I will add you to my readers list.

1st day back at work

Oops- I slept in on my first day back at work, and I was suppose to go to the gym this morning. Anyway, still made it to work roughly on time, and no one else was there anyway. I had my protein shake this morning but I forgot my calcium pill. I also forgot to weigh in, due to running late, but will check it in the morning.

Water was okay today - but still snacked for some reason. I really really have to stop that. Got home after a pretty non eventful day and took the dog for a 20 min walk which worked out to be about 1.5 km.

Havne't done much over the last couple of days, just looked at more houses for Si's parents on Saturday and it really makes me want to win Lotto so I can buy myself a nice house......LOL, I know that is almost impossible, so I will just have to save hard and pay off all my debt, so I can start thinking about buying a house in say - 5 years time. By that point I should almost be debt free - well apart to my Dad. That is providing we don't have kids......If we add kids to the mix I am sure we will always rent.


Anywho, going to have some dinner and pull off these walking clothes....might even have a relaxing bath tonight, although at the moment I am way to hot to think about climbing into a hot bath.

I hate Pasta!!

LOL, I have had a really rough night after cooking and eating (a very little) ham and mushroom cabonara. I even made the low fat version with evaporated milk, but man, my pouch did not like it at all. It really feels like I am so gassy whenever I overload on carbs but it just on't come out.....and by overload I actually mean like two tablespoons or less of pasta!!!

Have been doing well with some of my goals.

Water - Have upped this, although still not as much as I should, but starting slowing and building is fine by me.

Supplements - Have been really good about taking my morning supplements, but have only managed to get the night ones in once this week.

Daily Exercise - Done!!!!! Everyday this week I have either been to the gym or been for a walk, and yesterday I actually did the small run that I mapped out, and it turns out it is 2.42 kms, and it took me and the dog (a little slower wiht her) about 34 mins. I am really liking Map my Run for helping work out where I am going walking and what distance it is.

Dinking when I eat - This is the hardest one for me I think, and I am working on it, although I do need some lubrication sometimes, I need to sip - not guzzle.

Palnning Meals - Have been really good at planning this week, although the pasta was probably not the best choice, although I have been okay with pasta before, so who knows.

Snacking - Proud to say that I have only had one snack pretty much all this week, and it was a handful of chippies, so maybe not such a wise choice.

Anyway - off to see some more houses today, maybe try and squeeze in a trip to the swimming pool, alhough I think it will be too busy with kids playing, and I would want to go for the exercise. Oh well, Might just have to take the dog for a walk later instead.

Have fun all, back to work for me on Monday. would really like another week off.
LOL

A New Year coming and some new Goals.

Welcome to the last day of the year. 2008 sure has been a year of change for me, Learning how to manage my new tum, having the stricture sorted, to moving towns, house and jobs.

In the past year I have made new friends, and started new things.....Lions club, Flag 500. There are also many things that I needed to do and I didn't, or I lost my way on. I am going to try to address these in the coming year. One of these was the Gym. I joined one of the local gyms here in Feilding when I moved here last April......how many times did I go.......TWICE!!!!!!!! So I have been paying $12 per week and my fitness certainly has not improved. Maybe I wasn't ready or just maybe I was being lazy and letting the 'tool' of Weight loss surgery be the only answer to losing this flab.

Things have to change on that, and luckily for me, the old gym has basically gone out of business, and they have transferred all membership to the more modern gym in town, and I have made an effort to transfer and met the new people and check out the gear. The gear is nice, and the gym is not as pretentious as I first thought......lots of different folk all at different stages with different needs. Just like me. So, since I signed up with them on Monday, I have been twice....once on Monday and once this morning. I don't have my assessment till the 12th Jan, so until then I am just working on cardio - mainly bike and treadmill. I obviously have a history with being all gung ho about going and then fail miserably, so I have told them that, and they will call me if I haven't been for 2 weeks. I am also taking a different approach to exercise and starting small and building on it, therefore I shouldn't go to hard out, find it tough and then quit.

Well, enough about that, a little now about our Christmas and our holiday. We had a lovely meal on Christmas Eve with my eldest brother and his family at Dad's house. We then headed off to Taupo to spend time with Si's parents, which was lovely, although the accommodation's bed was not so good for Si and we came home a day early. We also discovered we like more structure to a holiday, and are not the sit around and do nothing type of people. Unfortunately this year the budget did not allow for more. So, I am starting to save for next years Christmas now!!!!

The cat and the dog were pleased to see us, Not sure that they enjoyed the stay away, especially Riddick who has been really attentive since we got home and is constantly looking for a lap to sit on. While we were on holiday we bought Porsche a new harness/lead, so now I can actually walk her without her being 100% out of control. So far I have walked her to my dads place (only a 5 min walk) twice, and she has been pretty good, I think i will start taking her for more walks....start slow of course and build up time. There is a circuit I would like to build up to which is 3km long.

Simon's parents have joined us here in Feilding for a few days while they look for a house. They have now sold their house in Auckland and are struggling to find something that ticks all the boxes in their price range, style, size, location etc etc etc. It is kinda fun driving around looking at them, knowing that I don't have to spend a cent. His Dad is here till Saturday and his Mum is staying till the 12th.

I am back to work on the 5th Jan, so a few more days relaxing before then. Tonight we are heading to the Palmerston North RSA for a meal with Dad & Val, Si's Mum and Dad and several family friends. I doubt we will stay to see the New Year in.

So I guess down to the nitty gritty - Not resolutions as such, but certainly areas that I want/need to work on over the next year to achieve my health and fitness goals.

- Increase water intake- I am really bad at this and need to drink more water.
- Do at least 20 Min's of exercise per day – walk, aqua, gym etc.(need to start small and build up to increase both fitness and strength)
- Stop drinking when I eat.
- Plan my meals so I am not tempted with 'easy'(unwise)options.
- Watch the portion sizes
- Monitor the snacking, make sure if I do need to have something it is a health snack
- TAKE MY SUPPLEMENTS

I am really not sure where I would like my weight to be - eventually. I am still a size 18/20 up top and a 20/22 (mostly) on the bottom. My current weight is 105.5 kgs, and ideally I think I would like to be a 14/16 on both top and bottom, but I also can not ever remember being that, so I have no clue as to if it is achievable or what weight that will be, but if I can do the above I am sure that it will be as I will be stronger, and fitter and most importantly healthier.

Happy New Year to you all, and I hope you find all you are looking for in 2009.

Janine (PS- Have you figured out I love Tigger yet)

Merry Christmas

I am officially on Holiday and I love it. Was so great to finish work yesterday and get ready for the holiday. We did a quick grocery shop of the final bits and pieces and we have found the pet's passports for their little holiday to tte kennels and cattery. I also had 4 - yes 4 baskets of washing to fold, which is just stupid....I hate folding washing!!!

Then we got all packed and ready to go, headed out to see hte Christmas lights....there didn't seem to be as many as last year, although one of the local resthomes did a fabulous job of decorating. Si managed to get an okay shot of the main entrance.



We are off on a few days break and should be back on Sunday. Take care all, and wishing you all a very Merry Christmas. Look forward to sharing more of my journey through Weightloss Surgery and Life in general in 2009.

Love and Hugs

Janine and Sigh

Wet weekend

Well I am pleased that we managed to get rid of the colder wet weather before Christmas (fingers crossed). I was uncertain as to if my Motorcycle training would go ahead with the weather, but luckily the rain held off till afterwards. So after about 20 mins of putt putting around on this scooter thing, the instructor got me to do some tests and viola I have my basic skills handling certificate and I can now go to and sit for my learners motorcycle license.

Here is me on the little (very little) scooter.


Had a great time on Saturday afternoon catching up with Janene in Palmy and it was lovely to see Jo and Jenny there as well, all checking on on Janene's fabulous progress. Some of Janenes comments take me back to when I had just had my surgery and was learning how to use the tool. We were talking about some of the little things that come with this surgery such as not drinking when you eat. I am a bad one for doing this as I need a little lubrication otherwise I tend to retch......however I think my little lubrication has crepted up and I am going to try to knock that on the head.

Oh, the other thing I am working on, is breakfast. I am not sure that I am getting enough from my breakfast as I find that I am often wanting to snack about 1- 2 hours later. So Simon and I are trying protein shakes for breakfast. Now I have never been a shake person, and I find them boring.....but I will give it a go for at least all of January and see what happens. Actually over the last couple of days I have gone back to basics on a few things.....and am obviously the better off for it as the scales on my official Monday morning Weighin are 106.3 kgs - so I have lost 2 kgs over the last week. So that makes a total loss of 70.7 kgs since my heaviest and now a total of 6.4 kgs to lose before I am under 100 kgs.

Anywho, off to work for my last two days, I have taken Wednesday off as we want to head away not long after lunch, and lunch is a get together with my brother and family as well as Dad and Val. So we will do the semi christmas thing then and head off after dropping the animals at their holiday home(kennels and cattery). So if I don't manage to post before Christmas. I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas, safe driving for those who are and see you when we all return from our various celebrations.

Love

Janine