Monday, February 7, 2011

Taking some ownership

So this is not a Small Bite, but me getting serious with myself. I have to take ownership of where I am at right now, and that is a place where it is okay to break the rules of my pouch, it is a place where eating gluten till I end up an itchy blithering mess is okay......It is a place where I have gained 12 kgs in the last 8 months......and it is making me uncomfortable, it is making me anxious, it is making me question who I am as a person, it is making me sad, it makes me SICK, and I have to get well. I have so much to get WELL for, we have the option of fostering kids coming up, the launch of the organisation (although Si feels this is stressing me out too much), BUT most importantly, I NEED to do this for MYSELF. 

Okay, so how am I going to get myself into a much better place. Well I just need to accept I am gluten intolerant. I watched some of a program last night with Si about transplants (hand) and the surgeon said something like, "you don't just need a great surgeon, you also need a great patient, to make it work" . Well I can tell you I have a great surgeon, I just haven't been a great patient!!

I owned up to where I was at with my nutritionist on the phone the other day, she told me what I needed to hear, which is that she couldn't really do anything for me, and that I know what to do, I just need to do it. I got her to send me through the pre op diet information again as it has changed a little, and I am going to mostly follow this for a couple of weeks. I am going to adapt the lunch a little, but it certainly will be a much better option for me. 

Okay, so every weekday will be:

Breakfast - Protein Shake and pills (having it now)
Lunch - 2 corn thins, and 1 small can of tuna with 1 piece of fruit. 
Dinner - 100 - 150 gms of meat, grilled and steamed veges (no carbs - I will probably still have carrots till we run out then cut these as well)

I will adapt this if I find I need something else, but it will be most like a small pot of yoghurt or some cut up tomato. Essentially for most of the day apart from the 2 cron thins and the 1 piece of fruit, this is the pre op diet. 

So taking ownership of the numbers. My lowest was 101kgs.....I am now 113 kgs. 


  1. Hi. It's so easy to eat bread and stuff. It's the one thing I turn to when I'm not so strong.

    It's a total pain that it aggravates the weakness in me.

    While undiagnosed I find that when I'm gluten/wheat free the symptoms are not so uncomfortable and maybe one day will go away completely.

    I can hope.

    But like you I know the solution lies within me. There is no pill, no magic bullet. There is only one answer. Discipline and wisdom.

    And I still want a slice of bread but today I will not eat anything starchy, especially anything with wheat.

    Sounds so easy but when you are doing it not so, especially after a period of being relaxed about it.

    All the best. I'll be thinking of you as I work my way through this day without my bread fix.

    BTW I read somewhere that when we have such an allergy that eating it triggers a chemical reaction that includes endorphin release. I'm not aware of the endorphin rush but perhaps that's why I keep turning back to the one thing that undoes all the good work I do.

    All the best as you do your best.

  2. I'm so proud of you!! Reading your entry today was like reading my own thoughts! Yeah - I know I am pregnant and kind of have an excuse, but I KNOW what I am eating is bad... and I NEED to take ownership of that - otherwise I am gonna have one hell of a time once this wee girl is born! THANK YOU for being so open and honest!!!